Eloquent Pedestrian

No sooner do I commit to blogging about my victories over anxiety than I find myself overtaken by a series of anxiety attacks. The universe has a sense of humor like that. Whatever you don't want to happen, will happen. Whatever you're sure won't happen, will happen. That comes back to my greater lesson of controlling what you can and letting go of what you can't. So instead of all the fun stuff I had planned to be posting all this time, I'm going to share a lesson I learned this weekend while sorting my clothes. I have known for years that I have too many pants. I have all the basics: jeans, black pants, navy pants, light pants, khaki pants, and I wear none of them. Every time I do laundry and have to stuff a pair of unwilling pants into a drawer I vow to actually wear them this time. And every time I go back to wearing the same comfortable thick reliable pair of black pants that goes with everything and I don't have to think about. This weekend I had...

In December of 2013 I was hit by a sudden depression. Depression seems like an odd word for it now, because it was a very heightened experience. My skin was full of pins and needles all the time. My lungs were constricted.  I was obsessed with the idea of my own death, not as something to be wished for, but as the inevitable truth it is for all of us. I was terrified all the time. I was also terrified that I would live a long life without experiencing any of it fully and deeply.  Thankfully, I was raised in a household where mental health was an open topic to be discussed. I told people I was struggling, and they helped me.  Depression and anxiety are still things I struggle with. I should emphasize that what I went through was nothing compared to the monster of depression that some people deal with. You fight so hard every day, and you're still here. I am in awe of you. I spoke to my pastor, not being one to do so generally, and it was the best decisi...