Endurance

This gardening season has been so different for me as a gardener than the two years before it. Because the weather gave me a head start, compared to the late snows of last year, I have not felt rushed or overwhelmed. At least not yet. 

I did not accomplish many of my goals for winter garden related activities. But I did make a rough plan of what I wanted to plant. I even made a budget for everything I wanted to buy. When my mother asked me where I was going to put all of this, I told her, and she didn't believe that I would go through with it. To be honest, I wasn't sure I would go through with it. 

But since there was nice warm weather in the month of March, I got a head start. I tried a couple of cold weather crops, with mixed success, and I cleared grass. I developed a method, I found ways to use my unwanted grass, and I committed myself to putting in the time. For the first time in months, I came home from work and didn't collapse into a chair. I went outside, prepared a task, worked at the task, and cleaned up after myself. It is appalling, how rare that is in my adult life. 

At home, I tend to live in a rotating mess between what hasn't been done yet and what needs to be done. My work life is filled with tasks which need to be accomplished over several days, and some ongoing tasks which will never be finished. It was soothing, sometimes, to have a task which I could stop at any time, but that still had very apparent results for my time invested.

Then the slog started, as tasks indoors piled up (laundry, cleaning, friends) and the plants which I had purchased showed signs of pot rot. At that point I had cleared more than half of the space I had intended, and it seemed plausible to do the other half. So I pushed through, even when the weeds started filling up the established beds. I didn't stop to lavish affection on my pretty showy roses, I just wanted to get it cleared. 

Today, I began my day with 18 square feet left (it's not as much as it sounds), with a lot of help from my mother, I accomplished my Herculean task at about sunset. Being a glutton for punishment, and wanting to celebrate, I planted all of my remaining plants, many of them sad and drooping and a few of them completely dead. Ah well, makes it easier to plant *all* of them if there are fewer of them. 

But it's done. And I was feeling pretty satisfied, even knowing that there's a lot more to do ahead. I'll progress to the nervous stage tomorrow, when I worry if the plants will survive, if I've given them enough space, or too much. Tonight we measured the space I'd cleared and it was 10 feet by 14 feet total. More than 100 square feet of sweat and swears, nearly three months of work, and I feel pretty damn good about it.

It's nice, when so little of my life feels under control, to remember that I do have strengths. I can start something and stick to it until it's done. I have the endurance to accomplish anything I put my mind to. These little reminders, small life affirmations by themselves, are the reason I throw myself into this year after year.